I don’t even know where to begin.

            How about with the fact that I’ve been arrested? I, me, Wingman! Arrested! How does that even make sense? It’s a breakdown of reality. A tapestry. An absolute tapestry of justice.

The officer who arrested me—who was only on hand because I had invited him to my wedding—has allowed me access to a computer, so I can at least set the record straight with my side of the story.

I am Wingman.

(I would have thought that would be perfectly obvious by now.)

Irwin Caseranski is just an extremely unfortunately named citizen who happened to get mixed up in this. Save for a bizarre twist of fate, he has absolutely nothing to do with me.

Being Wingman, I did not steal the Diva Diamond, I was entirely within my rights to have it. Chief Longbone said so. Therefore, there is absolutely no legal basis for my incarceration. I expect to be released any day now.

If the mayor or governor or king—whoever’s running this joint—hasn’t authorized my release soon, I’ll be taking matters into my own hands.

Peregrine Falcon, wait for me. I won’t be long.

—Signed Wingman.